A List of Never's I Hope Will One Day Be A Memory

So some days I get down about the way things are.  Right now I just can't help it.  We've been here in California for a month now and still don't have any furniture in our living room.  Why?  Because we can't afford it.  We're broke.  Broke.  Broke.  We went to a festival yesterday and it was most depressing seeing all of the things we just can't buy right now.  And, to be honest, it's becoming habitual.  We constantly run into the occasional money fun followed by a REALLY long time of money blah.

Whatever.

I know there are worse things to be depressed about.  I know it just sounds selfish but I'm really tired of this happening over and over again in my life.  I used to believe in the Law of Attraction or believing we're all Divine beings and supposed to be happy and wealthy and all that.  Well, maybe that's just not in my cards.  I've been struggling with this for over 20 years now.  I may as well just acknowledge that I'm just supposed to be unhappy, especially in regards to money.  While taking a nap today after work I just started thinking about all those dreams I have that seem to be on the "it will never happen" list.

I will never have a comfortable money flow.
I will never have a new car.
I will never have be successful working for myself.
I will never have nice things.
I will never be able to decorate my home the way I want to.
I will never have nice new clothes (from someplace other than Walmart or Goodwill).
I will never have nice new shoes (as above).
I will never have new jewelry (from a jewelry store).
I will never have a professionally done hairstyle.
I will never go on a cruise.
I will never be able to buy something without thinking how that will impact a bill later on.
I will never be able to fully enjoy my hobbies because I never have the money for materials.

Add in those things I'll never do because of my anxiety, no matter how much I really want to...

I will never get a tattoo.
I will never ride on a motorcycle, certainly won't ever drive one.

And just some other things that get under my skin (you know, while we're at it)...

I will never hear from God.
I will never have another best friend.
I may never see my children/grandchild again.
I will never see my son (either one of them) get married.
I will never have a man who truly listens to me.

I do hope one day this list of never's will become the opposite good.  Right now, I just don't feel that will ever happen.